Just to be honest

I never talked about this to anyone or even let myself think about it too much. But I do miss being in a relationship. It's been more than a year since I was in one, am thankful to be out of it, but since it's the last relationship I've been in, I kind of refer to it (only in my mind) when I think of the things I miss most about it. I've been surfing the social networking sites and happy to find out that some people I know are hooked up :) However, it got me into thinking, when will I be in a relationship again? I'd like to think it's not a desperate plea or question. I'm wondering. I'm curious.

Here we go again

I got an email the other day from jade, have not talked about it to anyone. I miss him. I miss talking to him. Am I being unfair to the person im sort of with now if I dont tell him about it? I'm pathetic. Should just forget about him. I'm all better now. Should be better now. I need to move on. Get this over with.

Lost words

curly.toge.herculot.curlilot.wilab.pwinsesh.sweetie.100 kisses.huuug.wilablot.bochogita.dave.ulyanin.boladas.ikr.

these are words that I have lost and I wish not to find any use for them anymore.

heart of the matter...yep, it's a mushy post

I heard this song by India Arie (a remake of a Don Henley original) from the sound track of the movie, Sex and the City. Being such a sappy being, it brought tears to my eyes when I heard it for about 6 times in a row...hehe. It is such a sad song but at the same time, it speaks of positivity, of acceptance. I’m in a place right now where I could use some of it. I don’t want to fight against it anymore. I just need to accept it and not question. Which is really hard for me because I tend to question – a lot, but now I’ve proven that sometimes answers do not help, the more I know, the more I get hurt but the less I understand. At times, I just want to move forward and not look back, but my emotions get the better of me. If only possible, I would want to skip this phase in my life and fast forward it to a time when I could (hopefully) just laugh about all of it.


Anyway, here’s the lyrics of the song, hope it’ll shed some light to those who need it. Thanks Marj for looking for it!


Heart of the Matter

I got the call today, I didn't wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old true friend of ours was talkin' on the phone
She said you found someone
And I thought of all the bad luck,
And all the struggles we went through
How I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside love's open door
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?

I've been learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning them again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

These times are so uncertain
There's a yearning undefined
And people filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age
And the trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness
They're the very things we kill, I guess
Pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms
And the wall they put between us,
You know it doesn't keep us warm

I've been trying to live without you now
But I miss you, baby
The more I know, the less I understand
And all the things I thought I figured out, I have to learn again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my heart is so shattered
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

All the people in your life who've come and gone
They let you down, you know they hurt your pride
Better put it all behind you; cause life goes on
You keep carryin' that anger, it'll eat you up inside

I want a happily everafter
And my heart is so shattered
But I know it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
Because the flesh gets weak
And the ashes will scatter
So I'm thinkin' about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if you don't love me anymore
Even if you don't love me anymore


Note: This song actually has the privilege to be included to my broken record songs, which is now around 15 songs and counting, which includes songs from Sara Bareilles, Urbandub, Moonstar 88, Leona Lewis, Adele, Maroon 5, Jason Mraz, The Weepies, Mishka Adams, Sheryl Crow and Sting, I play them 24/7 if possible. Hehe

Empty Cup

We often associate “full” with good things. We say if see a glass as half full, we are always looking on the positive side. If we see it as half empty, we are pessimistic. We even have a saying that it’s good to give because it will return to us “sisksik, liglig at umaapaw”. I am not saying I don’t agree with it, I do. But recently, I learned (from a certain drunken master…hehe) that it’s good to empty your cup. Yes, empty it. And when I think about it, it actually makes sense. I wondered how will we able to know more if we know too much already. If our cup’s already full, how can we accept and know more of the knowledge we need to learn? How can we feel more, if we feel too much? When we are so full of emotions that we can no longer feel the new ones we should feel. How can we have new memories if our cup’s filled with old ones? And yet, we do not want to empty them and replace it with new memories. So yep, I think it’s good to fill our glasses and cups up to its brim but we should not be afraid to empty it once in a while and fill it with different, if not better stuff to drink =)

Uh oh...rice shortage

The idea of rice shortage is foreign to me, until now. This is so because, 1) I've always known that the Philippines is an agricultural country, 2) rice is our most basic commodity and 3) I really dont want to think about it, because it would be a nightmare for me. Hehe. Like most Filipinos, life would not be the same without rice, even the most delicious dish would not taste as good without it. Sabi ko nga before, when I needed to trim down my rice consumption because of high cholesterol, "Ang lungkot ng buhay pag walang kanin!"

But on a serious note, this rice shortage thing is very alarming. What used to be a Php 30/kilo is now Php38/kilo. Lucky for those who can still afford to buy commercial rice in the market, which is just a fraction of the country's population,but not so fortunate for those who cannot. Like I saw on the news the other night, they had to line up for hours, just to avail of the NFA rice which is P18/kilo. These families sometimes just eat rice alone because that's what they can afford and now, because of this shortage, it's becoming burdensome for them to buy rice as well. It got me into thinking, what has led this agriculutural country suffer from this crisis? Are we so wasteful with what we eat that sometimes we buy so much but we actually cannot finish it, thinking we have so much to spare? Or have we transformed so much of our vast lands from rice fields to malls,commercial places and residential areas, not thinking that soon we won't have anything to cook for our (future) kids. Shouldn't have the government foreseen this happening a few years back and made some preventive measures and not just act on it now that it's smacked right on their faces? These are only a couple of things I could think of but I'm sure there's a lot, lot more.

For me, it is just so frustrating to know that no matter how high growth rates were reported by the government, it cannot mask the fact that most Filipinos feel that they are shrinking instead of growing...

Summer '08

Fun, fun, fun in Palawan!

Started the summer right! I went to Palawan beginning of March for the first time, took advantage of the 2-day mandatory leave from the office. We were almost late for our flight had we not heard the last call, we would miss it. Therefore, we ended up seated on the last row of the plane, no window seat, sorry Tin :). We got there and started our day with the city tour courtesy of someone we knew from there, for free. We went to the crocodile farm, which also houses bear cats, crocodiles, ostrich, crocodiles, porcupines, crocodiles, different kinds of birds, crocodiles, monkeys, and did I mention, more crocodiles? They actually sell baby crocodiles for Php 3,500.00 each. I forgot to ask the guide why would anybody want to buy one, I’m not sure if they’d make good pets. Hehe. After that, we went to this small butterfly farm there, which is home to the yellow bell butterfly, native to Palawan. It was gorgeous. I am always amazed of the butterflies’ life cycle (incidentally, they would not let you in if you would not watch the video of their life cycle). It took so long for them to become the beautiful creatures that they would be from a cocoon and then once they’ve bloomed to be one, a few days after that, they would die. It is a constant reminder to us that some good things can’t last very long. They would eventually die. Anyway, our next stop was the Iwahig Penal Prison Farm. If San Francisco had Alcatraz, Palawan has Iwahig. The prison is home to three kinds of prisoners, the first one are those allowed to work around the vast farm, make handicrafts and they even sell fresh buko juice to us when we were there, they are allowed to use big bolos to cut the coconut in half so we could eat the meat. And I mean big bolos! They are in the least security. The next ones are the prisoners in medium security and the last ones are at the maximum security, we did not see any of them, they must be locked up in the facility that we were not able to get in. I found this really interesting; I mean the setting of the prison, where prisoners are not cramped up in their small cells, where they not only share beds but also diseases, which is usual for most, if not all of the city jails around the Philippines. Sabi ko nga, “Ang sarap makulong dito sa Iwahig!” Hehe. From there, we went to Baker’s Hill, which is a huge bakery, but is also like a park where there are different kinds of birds and plants. I loved their tuna and chicken pandesal and their bars look delicious and their pastillas were yum, yum, yum! Our last stop in our city tour was Ramon Mitra’s house. It was beautiful, its architecture was unique, with only one big trunk of tree supporting the whole house, it stood on top of a hill and from its porch you have the beautiful view of Puerto Princesa. I learned that the Mitras used to own a huge part of Puerto Princesa and eventually sold parts of it to those who could afford to buy it like their neighbor, who has a mansion by the hills, who we later found out is owned by a retired general. The city day tour has ended, we went back to the hotel, freshen up and got ready for dinner. I loved our dinner. It was at Ka Lui’s. Great food, great place, big serving. I especially love their dessert of fresh fruits in a coconut shell with muscavado sugar. Loved it. You should not miss eating there when you go there.

The next day, our agenda was the underground river. The tour costs Php1,100.00 per person. I must say it was the highlight of my stay there. It was incredible. It was indescribable. The underground river is actually 8kms long, but only 1.5kms was allowed to the public. Beyond that, you have to ask for a special permit to see it. I hope that more Filipinos would see it. It is one of nature’s gift to us that we should be thankful for and must know how to preserve it for more generations to enjoy. Whenever I see these beautiful places that nature has to offer, I am always amazed how great our God is for creating and sharing it to all of us.

Our last day, we spent it island hopping the Honda Bay (tour costs Php 800.00). We went snorkeling and again, it was beautiful. The corals are so beautiful, the kinds of fishes were amazing, and the sand is wondrous. Lunch was great, you cannot believe how cheap the crabs are. I loved every island we went to, starfish, snake and pandan island. For our last night there, we ate at Badjao Seafront Restaurant. The place is by the sea. It is highly recommended for couples, because it has its romantic ambiance. Again, the food was great. The prices are reasonable. For our last night, we opted to take a rest from booze and decided to have coffee and cookies at the café beside our hotel. I must say I enjoyed the coffee more than booze and the cookies are just delicious. I hope I bought a jar home. Hehe. Overall, I loved Palawan and when I go back, I hope to see Coron, the safari in Calauit and El Nido.

Adventure in Boracay!

Two weeks from Palawan, next stop was Boracay with officemates. The reason why I went was either, I’m addicted to the beach, I’m trying to escape reality or I just want to have skin cancer. Hehe. It was my third time on the island, but my first time going there through RORO. And I must say, the trip was an adventure in itself. We were like contenders for Survivor or Amazing Race. It was tiring, time consuming, you should be ready to sit on the floors, sleep on mats or cartons, eat dinner for just 10 mins (winner ako ditto), risk your life with the bus driver’s driving (seryoso!), sleep while sitting, hold your pee for hours, etc. It’s weird, but I actually enjoyed it. I liked the feeling of being tired and looking forward to something as a reward once we get to the island. It made me relish more of every minute I spent on the island. Making sure that all our sacrifices going there was worth it. And because our travel was more than 12 hours (one way), it was guaranteed that before we land on each port, we know a little something about each other. Walang choice, kailangan mag bond. Hehe. There were also things that we would not get to see had we took the plane. We would not see rainbows on every wave in the sea, the beautiful sunset while we were on the boat and the hundreds of colorful jellyfish floating (I know they can be deadly, but they look beautiful from the ship). Never saw so many of them with different colors. Amazing.

When we got to Boracay, we made the most out of the two 3 days and 2 nights we were there. On our first day, we just went beach bumming the whole day, walked the shores of the powdery sand of Boracay, eat ice cream (may FIC sa Boracay, yum!) and waited for the beautiful, amazing, always mesmerizing Boracay sunset. On our second day, (still full from our breakfast) the adventure begins, none of us had tried paraw sailing (Php100 per person/hour), so we did it. We used a sailboat to go island hopping. It was exciting and so much fun. When it was the time to go snorkeling, the waves were really strong and a little scary, especially for me. I had to perform stunts just to get in the boat again (mama rosey, wet lechon stunt, diba? Hehe). As I performed those stunts, I got to take home, mala “ube halaya” bruises on my upper leg and some bruises on my shoulder. When we are all back in our sailboat, we went to puka beach and picked up some shells and corals and tried to spell our names from the corals we got. I got to spell Pet (thanks sa “e” Marj!). It was easy enough. Di na ako umasa that I’ll spell Donna. Hehe. After our seafood lunch, we rested for a while and pursue another adventure – driving an ATV (Php 500.00 per hour/person) to Mt. Luho to witness the beautiful sunset on top of the highest mountain (?) on the island. Driving an ATV was a challenge, the roads are not exactly paved and if you lose control you might fall off a cliff. But getting on top of the mountain, alive and able to take photos of the sunset, was all worth it. Note to Rose: walang gimikan sa taas ng Mt.Luho, now you know. Hehe. After our ATV adventure, we rewarded ourselves with baby back ribs for dinner at Gastoff and a delicious mango and peach crepe from Crepes of St. Michel. After which, we ended our night with tequila sunrise and good music at Bom Bom Bar, swayed back to the hotel and doze off. I actually loved my stay in Boracay the most this year; it made me see the island in a different light by doing things that are new to me. I think, I was successful in fulfilling the reasons why I came -- gave in to my addiction to the beach; for a while, I’ve forgotten reality, and with my skin color, I think I’m near having a skin cancer (joke lang!).

Well, that’s it. That’s my summer, so far. I’m sorry if this entry sounded like a travel guide. But I hope it’ll be helpful if any of you wants to go to either of the two great summer getaway places =)